Personal relationships have changed over the years. There’s no denying that context, technological advances, and changes in lifestyle have influenced the way couples behave, for example. That’s why psychologist Paula Orell says, “It’s impossible to spend 20 years with someone and agree with them on everything.” The psychologist argues that arguing isn’t the problem, as long as it’s done respectfully.
“The couples that manage to be healthy and last are those that make mistakes…”
Couples have different dynamics because individuals are not the same, no matter how many patterns we have. That’s why it’s harmful to romanize relationships, because many groups think the goal of a healthy relationship is to not argue, to always agree, to live in harmony… And the reality is that all types of relationships are complex. From living with siblings, parents, family, roommates, to living with a partner or children. “The couples that manage to be healthy and last are those that make mistakes, but they take care not to repeat them,” says Paula Orell, referring to long-term, stable relationships.
The communication in couples is a problem that few consider
Relationship experts assert that one of the problems can be a lack of communication. This is something psychologists specializing in couples therapy talk about a lot. According to experts, the problem of communication in couples is a problem that few consider. Many think that two people don’t argue unless one wants to, but in relationships, not talking about one’s feelings about the other person can be a serious long-term problem. This ties in with Orell’s theory, according to which it is impossible to maintain a relationship for twenty years while agreeing on everything, but it is possible to build communication that allows conflicts to be addressed without harming the other person.
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love consists of three key points: intimacy, passion, and commitment
There are many experts who address the issues of relationships. Robert Sternberg, a renowned American psychologist, has been one of the psychologists who has most delved into the study of love and relationships. Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love consists of three key points: intimacy, passion, and commitment. On the one hand, intimacy is understood as the capacity to respect the other, communication, emotional support, and being part of the other person’s well-being. Passion refers to sexual attraction as well as the emotional excitement of being part of the other person. The desire to share experiences is linked to the third point, commitment. In this case, it refers to the enjoyment of sharing a life project, without losing sight of personal fulfillment.
For experts, there are important points such as not panicking at the slightest sign of weakness. In other words, according to Orell, feeling attraction to other people can happen, but the difference is made by commitment: choosing your partner every day, even when circumstances test the relationship. For the expert, relationships are not just about living together, but about sharing a life with shared goals, as mentioned above.
Understanding each person’s needs and concerns, independently, can also help cultivate a more stable relationship
From what we see, experts agree on the importance of forming a good team when in a relationship, especially when talking about consistent couples, those who have been together for years, and those in whom a shared life plan is essential. In summary, they also emphasize the importance of fluid communication, understanding that there may be arguments because you can’t always be under the same umbrella, and the importance of individual personal growth. Understanding each person’s needs and concerns, independently, can also help cultivate a more stable relationship in which both parties feel confident.
