Children attending boarding schools have long been thought to get a distinctive education that frequently promotes self-reliance, self-discipline, and academic success. But more and more studies have recently illuminated the possible psychological difficulties that certain boarding school graduates may have. ‘Boarding school syndrome’ is one such scenario.
This is what people ignore about the psychological toll of boarding school life on young children
A variety of psychological and emotional problems thought to be caused by the separation that boarding school students endure are referred to as boarding school syndrome. It includes several symptoms that may continue well into adulthood. Relationship formation and maintenance issues, emotional detachment, low self-esteem, intimacy anxiety, and a feeling of alienation from other people are some examples of these symptoms. To better understand this psychological tool of boarding school, we will share some real stories.
Chris Braitch, Dorset
Eton’s boarding schools cater to various needs, including special educational needs schools, residential institutions specializing in dance, sports, or music, military, mercantile, and missionary families, state boarding schools, and young people with behavioral problems. Chris also said that after her mother divorced, she remarried an ex-boarder, hoping it would provide security and stability. However, their father opposed this, and the author cannot imagine doing the same to their children. He initially enjoyed their job but soon found himself in a cold, crying environment, with minor rules leading to punishments or losing privileges. At seven, they were scolded by a teacher for speaking after lights out, making it a survival job. During his time in boarding school, he did not experience sexual abuse but rather abandonment, bullying, and neglect. Joy Schaverien, a therapist, identified the ABCD of boarding school syndrome as abandonment, bereavement, confinement, and dissociation.
Being surrounded by strangers while growing up in an institution devoid of affection and proper touch can result in a distant life. Ex-boarders often experience self-medication such as alcohol, workaholism, gambling, drugs, and sex addiction. Finding an ex-boarder who hasn’t ruined other aspects of their lives or who has no trouble forming healthy adult relationships is uncommon. This universal experience underscores the need for better care and emotional support. Schools are generally safer, and staff are doing their best, but children often prefer spending time with their families. If it’s safe for a child to be at home, they should be there.
Lydia Lockhart, Oxfordshire
The author has often blamed herself for not being good enough or capable, which led to anger toward her parents when she discovered others with boarding school syndrome. However, they now realize that their actions were not necessarily wrong. Since their brother was already enrolled in school, the writers started boarding a few evenings every week. They enjoyed their first few years at their small prep school and felt a sense of excitement. Before transferring, both of their parents boarded when they were 9 and 11 years old. Their mother also boarded, although she was expelled from her first school. In their family, it was considered the best thing to do for their child.
At 11, she experienced homesickness due to limited home calls and a public payphone system. They struggled with private communication with parents and were encouraged to distract themselves when upset. Staff members enforced a message that emotional distress would not help, causing the author to struggle with their new environment. Lydia was diagnosed with autism and ADHD and now works in London supporting children with special educational needs. They argue that boarding schools are not suitable for these children, as they require one-to-one attention and a constant presence of adults after class. Additionally, the masks at boarding schools are often permanently on, making it difficult for children to let loose. In her second or third year of school, she became anorexic because she felt powerless over her eating patterns.
Their parents did not see them, even though they were under school care. They were admitted to the hospital and re-entered the sixth form after a teacher told them to eat more potatoes. In these locations, you lose yourself. When I first arrived, I was a passionate, opinionated young girl with interests and passions. By the time I left, I had lost a lot of that. I learned to obey and do what I was told. You are placed in an institution. Other students at the university benefited greatly from their newfound independence. I had no hourly schedule, so I was lost.
